Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
