omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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