I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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