Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I want her autograph on my taint
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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