Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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