I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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