Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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