Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
