Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
