when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
