remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
