You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
