This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
