i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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