Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
