i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
