if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
