so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
