i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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