I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
