You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
