I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
