Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
