So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
