its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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