dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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