you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize