3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All I want is dick and wine.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
