why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
