The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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