super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
