I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize