So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
