my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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