I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The air taste purple.
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