Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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