I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
