Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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