Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
