you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
