he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
