he wants to bone in the snuggie
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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