i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
