if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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