make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
