Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
