Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
