Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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