she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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