I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
