"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
