ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
