ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
