He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize