She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
