I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
