She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize