ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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