That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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