If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
