forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
